I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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