dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
