I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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