i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
her vagine was all disorganized.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
