it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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