Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The adults are the big ones right?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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