whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Randomize
