my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
