My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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