Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
