Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
