I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
