I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
