I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's shark week go big or go home
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
