Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
