I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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