I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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