I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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