I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
