you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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