All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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