I accidentally had phone sex last night
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
