were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
