I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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