Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
