Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
