I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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