I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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