you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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