is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
