i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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