Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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