i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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