Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There's always time for handjobs
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
