Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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