Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
