maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
FUCK WHALES
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
