So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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