remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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