It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
