the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
