Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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