His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
