Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
