i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
