You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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