What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
