Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I need moral support for this bender
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
