Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
