Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
