Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
