Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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