Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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