I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
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