It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
