i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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