I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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