Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
