Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
