we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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