I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
