how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
