Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
