somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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