perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize