I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
