Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
