she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
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Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
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I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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