Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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