But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
